Well, I was foiled with the Insta-blog plan. Apparently they do not want their site used for blog length posts. So that led to some frustration on my part, which I of course I whined about to my sweet husband. He said “well, I guess you better just do a blog for real.” He has the gift of cutting through drama and finding a solution. So for $48 a year, he got me this page. If I set it up right you should be able to see it from FB and Twitter. I’m not sure how to share it on Instagram–so if you have thoughts on that, let me know!
I wanted to go ahead and share my entry for today, even though I was sort of able to get it out there tonight, but then I had to delete it.
My sleepless night after I wrote about sweet sleep
And so it goes, I wrote about having sweet sleep and then last night I had a sleepless night. I woke up out of dead sleep from a bad dream and then laid there, replaying just about every bone-headed thing I have done in the last six months. Until I was reminded (by the Lord), “Oh hey, didn’t I just write something down about sweet sleep? Didn’t I just record myself realizing that sweet sleep comes with trusting the Lord?” As He always does with me the Lord invited me into a conversation in the dead of night, while my mind was whirling. He lovingly reminded me that nothing can be done in the dead of night, that I was enough and that He loves me no matter what bone-headed thing I do. Not that I went right back to sleep. No, I got up and got some Cheerios and some water. When I went back to my room the puppies had decided it was puppy food time. I had to let them out and talk them into going back to sleep. By talk I mean yelling at them to be quit. Jesse has the gift of sweet sleep, because he did not hear anything of what was going on. I did finally lay back down and thanked the Lord for always teaching me and for making sure I am really living what I am saying out loud to my family and my friends. He is so real and present to me at night because I have spent so many years laying awake. I was such an anxious child. I started having panic attacks at night when I was seven. Bless my mom’s heart, she sat with me, rubbed my back and talked to me at least once a week from seven-eighteen years old. Then when I went to college she would answer my phone calls at 2 AM and talk me out of it. It wasn’t until I went to the Student Health Center at Texas Tech to see if I could get a pill for my “heartburn” that I found out there was a name for my night-time attacks. I was still not a believer in Jesus yet, so the best I could do at that point was to manage the symptoms of the deeper problem. When I became a believer, suddenly I had Someone greater than myself to trust in. Putting my faith in God, who is perfect, faithful and also made payment for my sin, took the panic out of my soul. Jesus says in His word “come to me those of you who are weary and I will give you rest.” That is what my soul was longing for, rest. Obviously I still struggle with anxiety, sometimes I wonder if I will ever be “over” this anxiety thing. What I am learning is it’s a process and it starts with me knowing Jesus and doing battle spiritually with Him. It’s saying no to my flesh that wants to worry and panic, and saying yes to my spirit that longs for a relationship with God. My bedroom is where I war against this anxiety. My bedroom is where my bible time, and prayer time happens. This is where I spend a lot of time saying no to my flesh and yes to my spirit. I keep calling it my room, but it is Jesse’s room too. Just wanted that to be clear.
Because I need this space to be clean and functional at ALL TIMES, we decided to put in hardwood floors. The dogs will destroy a carpet faster than anything, so because we where changing things up we upgraded to hardwood. The walls are a soft grey, trim is bright white. The plantation shutters were already here and I made the curtains out of a printed burlap. The wall sconces, night stands, coffee table and faux fireplace I found at local Rockwall shops. The bed and dresser are my beloved Magnolia Home purchases from Nebraska Furniture Mart. (Joanna Gaines is my spirit animal) The prayer chairs I found in the clearance section of Nebraska Furniture Mart. The “In the morning when I rise give me Jesus” and the “Every love story is beautiful but ours is my favorite” signs were also local finds. The “It is well with my soul” sign and the lamp were actual Magnolia Market at the Silos buys. The “You are my sunshine” mason jar holder was made for us by our neighbors at bible school. The rugs are target finds.
It has to be recorded that I was gonna record a story about the goats today but as I was praying this morning the Lord reminded me, “Don’t be a hypocrite, don’t record one day that you understand sweet sleep comes from trusting the Lord, and then gloss over the awful night you had. Just write it down.” He is always teaching me and I love Him for it.