My best friend Kelly, made this for me. It is sitting right by my kitchen sink so I will see it all the time. I love it so much because the contrast between the pretty cross stitch and the saying is hilarious to me. I am sorry if you think that Hell is cuss word but if you have been around me for any length of time you know that I have an affinity to pepper my speech with questionable words. The fact of the matter is that my best friend made this for me because she knows that I am about to enter the ring for the fight of my life, again, and this is my catch phrase.
Friends, summer is all but over and the school year is about to begin. The driving, the scheduling, the making of lunches, the signing of papers, the pep talks, the exhortations to look for the Lord even in the halls of high school. The late night: “Hey mom, I need a (fill in the blank) for school tomorrow or the world will end, and Hey mom where is my (fill in the blank) I can’t leave without it!” The: “I need to go here and do this thing or my life as I know it will end!” All of this is all about to commence. Those are just the requests from my off spring, don’t even get me started on the things from the school, and PTA, and boosters. This is the fight of my life y’all.
There is this voice inside of me that only knows one word….MORE. It is the voice that says:
BE SEEN more
BE more POPULAR
GET YOUR KIDS IN more THINGS
MAKE YOUR KIDS more
Or my other favorite voice….You are not enough! It is the voice that says:
If you don’t do this you are not enough.
If you don’t have that you are not enough.
If you aren’t part of that you are not enough.
If you don’t say yes to that you are not enough.
The “more” voice and the “you are not enough” voice bully me all the time. They try to talk me into being busy and hurried. They try to talk me into feeling like I am not enough and that I am not doing enough. They key into Facebook and whisper to me, “Look at them, they are doing all the things so much better and MORE perfect than you are.” They convince me that I am not doing all that I can for my family and for my friends. They say, “You are worthless unless you are in all the things, at all the things, and doing all the things.” They say if my life looks different from someone else’s that I am in the wrong, and I need to change. They say that if I am not moving, I am lazy. They say if I am not perfect, I am not loved and adored. And guess what, those voices are LIARS and to them I say:
OH HELL NO!!!!
I have spent too much of my life imprisoned to these voices. My flesh and satan would love to see me trapped there, but I AM FREE!! It is the fight of my life to STAY FREE!! So I must have this phrase at the ready. I have to be brave and use my phrase when those voices start to bully me. I have to stay in step with Jesus because that is where freedom resides.
So I see someone’s post on Facebook exclaiming that their kid is killing it at life because they made this team, or that club or whatever. The more voice goes off, “Crap! You better haul Sydney out of bed and get her signed up for (fill in the blank) because if you don’t she will end up being just a regular doctor and not a super powered doctor lawyer evangelizing missionary to orphaned children living in an unreached people group in a region of the world she discovered because Sydney should also be an explorer searching for unreached people. Or the not enough voice goes off, “You the worst mother ever, Brock has done nothing but watch YouTube video’s about ants and Fortnight all summer, you have not challenged him in any STEM activities, or memorized bible verses, or taught him Spanish.” And God help me if I see a post on Facebook about a weightloss story or some new way to fight wrinkles, that could put me in the bed for days! I use to end up trapped in feeling like I needed to do more or that I am not enough. That thought process lived out ended in me screaming at the kids to do more or be more and them feeling like they weren’t enough, and the cycle would start all over again in my kids. In those feelings of not enough, depression sets in, and then hopelessness and then I would be lost. NOT ANYMORE!
Now I say, OH HELL NO when those voices pop up. I am free to congratulate other people on their successful lives without putting my life down. I am able to see what makes my kids come alive and focus on that. I am able to proclaim that we are enough just as we are not because of what we do but because we are loved by God. And with God as my coach I am able to break the cycle of needing to do more and not feeling like I am enough. With God’s Word I can focus on what is important to HIM and not what is important to the world. What is important to God will always bring freedom, not feelings of needing to do more. It is the fight of my life to stay free from those voices that want to tell me to do MORE or that I am NOT ENOUGH, but freedom is worth the fight!! So I say, OH HELL NO!