We cannot weaponize sex in our marriages. I get that you feel that it is the only way to get what you want, or to make him feel as bad as he makes you feel. Learn from our friend here who was tired and did not want to get up to let her lover in. That physical distance she put between them resulted in an emotional distance. The emotional distance freaked her out and caused her to get up and go find him. I can’t speak for the men in this situation, but women? When you withhold the physical side of your relationship from your husband because you don’t feel emotionally connected to him, that emotional distance will become a greater chasm between you. Why? Because men and women are created differently. Men need the physical act of love to feel connected to us and women need the emotional love to feel connected. In marriages that have weaponized sex a horrible cycle starts. Woman feels emotionally distant from her husband and closes her “herb garden” to him. Then husband feels physically distinct, so he closes off the emotional closeness to her. And there it is, the exact place that Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians, the place that Satan can get a foothold in our marriages. Listen don’t shoot the messenger here, but ladies if you want that emotional connection with your husband, consider offering yourself to him physically.
Also, these lovers show us how to stay interested in each other. I don’t know about you, but I do get freaked out sometimes as a see my body turn into a 40-year-old body. This critical voice takes over and tells me, “You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, you are chubby and old.” But look at what the lovers in this song do! They study each other and praise each other. They marvel in the beauty that is before them, not wishing for something else. This takes work because everything in our culture says we have to whip it into shape to be desirable, but God in this song says that is not true. You can delight in what you have been given in your spouse. But also, they show us to not get lazy and stop trying to be pleasing for the other person. I mean as Americans we are not dipping ourselves in myrrh and perfume because we have this beautiful thing called deodorant, but you get the point. Don’t give up.
Song of songs 5:1—8:14
2 Corinthians 9: 1-15
Psalm 51: 1-19
Proverbs 22: 24-25