This may shock some of you, but as a person, my general make-up is that of someone who is a READY! FIRE! AIM! kind of person. I am always looking to do more, achieve more and be better. This has served me well for most of my life. But as I walk with the Lord and try to yield to His guidance, sometimes I wish He had one of those toddler leashes on me so I can’t always be running ahead of Him. Running ahead, making my own plans, and moving too fast creates posts like this where I have to tell you about an unexpected turn that has come up in my life. In counseling I have learned that this does not constitute failure but simple a yielding to God’s sovereignty. But sometimes it still feels like failure, but let’s all talk ourselves out of viewing it that way. It’s just an unexpected turn.
Here is the scripture I have been contemplating as I have prepared to tell you all about this unexpected turn. It is out of James 4:
13 Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” 14 How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 15 What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” 16 Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil. 
Oh friends, I’m afraid I have made pretentious plans and boasted about them and now I have to go back and admit that God is guiding me a different way right now. I want to be obedient to Him above all else. This is not following whispers in the wind that I think are God. This is spending time in the Word and praying to God and giving my soul space to breath and respond to what I am feeling. And in that time of contemplation it became clear that I am taking a turn from the plans I have made.
So, the gist of it is, I am not writing a book right now. I have a proposal written but in order to get it published I would have to hustle and go out and build a platform. At this point most publishers require an email list of no less than 5,000 emails. I have >100 email addresses on my email list. I have learned the tricks of the trade to get out there and build the platform but guess what happened when I started to employ those tricks? I did not feel good about it. How on earth can I, out of one side of my mouth tell you that the Middlemarch life with God is where it’s at, and then out of the other side of my mouth be hustling to get on stages and build a platform. This dichotomy started to build a disquiet in my soul. Upon discussing it with Jesse he said, “Babe, I think God has to build that platform for you and maybe He isn’t doing it right now.” Which hurts, but it’s true. I always prayed for Jesse to be wise in the Lord, I think I will stop praying that now. JK, kind of. But letting go of the plans I had made to write the book allowed me some space to allow God to guide me.
And so, my friends, Sarah is going back to school, again. I want more training so that I can rightly divide the Word of God. I don’t want to get to heaven and have Jesus motion me over and immediately say, “What on earth did you do to My Word?” I think knowing my personality it is wise to put myself under people who know more than me and can teach me. So, I applied to Dallas Theological Seminary and immediately started to see the parallel between me and Elle Woods in Legally Blonde.
Except I did not have a 4.0 at Texas Tech like Elle Woods did. I was not what you would call a “good” student. I was so anxious I would throw up before every test, I would get overwhelmed with the workload and give up and go out to “Midnight Rodeo” instead, it was 1997 and I was 18 and I was not a believer. So that being said, I did graduate from the great Texas Tech University in 2001 with a Bachelors in Agricultural Economics but my GPA was a 2.4. C’s get degrees people. But what I did have going for me was that in 2014 Jesse and I went to New Tribes Bible Institute (now Ethnos 360). It is not accredited but I did get a 3.99 GPA there. (I did have 4.0 but they changed their computer system and it went down to a 3.99. I’m totally fine with that, I am not bitter at all.) My effort at New Tribes showed that I was now a believer and that I was a serious student. That happens when you go back to school in your late 30’s. I faithfully sent in my transcripts from Tech and NTBI.
I also rounded up the most amazing group of people for my references. Wendy, Scot, Jill and Doug–thank you so much for speaking up for me! Plus, Jesse had to turn in a spouse support statement telling them that he was on board with me going to DTS. When all the boxes were checked on my admissions page there was nothing left to do but wait and pray.
I am not going to lie; the waiting is the hardest for me. It gives me space to think and question and I have never been good with space to think and question. Thinking and questioning turns into panic and speculation really fast. I know, I know! I just got done saying that I am trying to be guided by God and need space for my soul to breath, but I can only take so much unknown before I break. But behold! I did get an email two weeks later letting me know I was in! But I promise it said all the things you want to see on an acceptance letter! To carry on the Elle Woods theme, this is what I felt like….
Ok, but now, I have to tell you the funny part. At the bottom of that amazing acceptance letter there was a small postscript. Unfortunately, due to my lack luster performance at Texas Tech, I was accepted into DTS, but I am already on probation. That’s right, probation. I suspect that someone up there found this blog and said, “Look she loves the Lord, but we can’t let her in here without any kind of reigns on her.” I’m joking. I don’t really think that happened…wink, wink. The partying and lack of focus at Tech has caught up with me and it’s time to pay the piper. But the main point is I am in! If I can prove to them that I am capable of being a “student in good standing” I will be taken off of probation.
Look I am always honest on here. When I found out that they put me on probation there was a part of me that went, “FINE! I don’t want to go to your dumb school anyway!” But luckily God flicked me in my head, and I got over it. This is all part of the story. I need to be humbled by being on probation. I need more training. I don’t want to be some rogue writer drawing people away from God instead of closer to God. So, there you go, I am in DTS, but I am on probation.
At this point I have already signed up for classes. I start in the Spring. I am so excited for what this means for me. I will be getting my Masters in Christian Education. I will be focusing on teaching women. I will be sitting under women who are authors!!! Needless to say, I am excited. It will probably take me a total of 27 years to complete this degree. And I will add the asterisk of “I will be going to DTS as long as it fits into my Middlemarch.” Because friends, the Middlemarch is where it’s at with God.
Of course, I will continue to write. Can you imagine the blog posts that will come out of this?? I also have hired a real Website Design Company to redo the website for me. I needed to do this because I want to have a way for y’all to get your hands on bible studies I have written. I was going to wait to do this until I had a publisher but ain’t nobody got time for that! I will just cut out the middleman (who wants 5000 people on my email list) and get those resources out to you. Look for that to launch sometime this winter.
Thank you all for being on this journey with me. Thank you for reading the blogs and for
encouraging me to keep going. Writing is
my favorite thing and I pray that DTS will enhance my writing! But most of all I cannot wait to learn more about
God. He is the coolest and so worth it.